Cognitive Dissonance (or The Real and Dark Reason Otherwise Nice People Will Not Admit to White Privilege)

Imagine that you have a bank account.  Now, imagine that every month of your life, an extra $50 is put into it.  You don't know where it comes from; it's just always been there.  It's yours to do with as you please.  Sometimes, you have really depended upon it to get you through those tight times.  Sometimes, you have used it to get something you need or want. And sometimes, you just save it up for something big.  But you always know it will be there, month after month.

You talk to your friends and you find out that some of them also have this additional $50 every month.  Then, you talk to others and find out that their account are missing $50 every month. It doesn't take long before you put two and two together and realize that you get this gift every month at the expense of someone else.  They lose every time you gain. 

Now, you didn't set this account up, and neither did your parents.  It's just been always there.  But, damn, it's been helpful.  That time you were short one month?  The $50 helped you to make it.  That time you wanted to go on a vacation?  It happened sooner and you were able to take a longer vacation because you had a bit extra.  And that time you got sick?  You were able to get the expensive medicine you needed.

You start to think about one of your friends who had $50 taken from their account every month.  You remember how they had to take a second job when time were a bit tight.  You recall that another friend got sick, but couldn't afford the treatment and got worse, missing months of work.  You think back to when you heard about when that same friend lost their job due to missing so much work.  And their house.  You sent them a casserole.

But your $50?  You've come to depend on it.  It's part of your budget.  If you were to give it back, that would mean giving things up, things that you've gotten used to having, like a nice house, a nice car, and being able know that those things are stable.  Surely, you should not have to give up your nice life for a mistake that wasn't even yours to begin with?  Besides, you still work hard.  You still deserve all your have...right?

But, the problem is, now you know.  You know where it comes from.  You know that you didn't earn it, even though it has been such a fixture it your life that you cannot help but still think of it as yours.  The rational part of you tries to think of the reason you think this $50 is yours, but some inner part of you just keeps repeating, "Because it always has been!"  And when you ask that inner part of you, but WHY has it always been and doesn't the money really belong to the person whose account it came from?  That inner part just reminds you that you'd really like that new smartphone next month and your budget won't handle it without that $50. 

You don't ask again.

And that's why some white people won't admit that white privilege exists.

Bullies for God

Okay, anyone living in this town knows what is going on. A single person decided to stop living a lie, but because another person decided she didn't have the right to do it quietly and brought it to the media, there was a shitstorm.

Yes, shit flew in a giant storm in my town.

Now, I don't know the person this storm was about. But, all I need to know is that her living her life in the gender that she feels is most appropriate is none of any one's goddamn business. She is not hurting anyone or breaking any laws. She is not being purposely disruptive or attacking anyone else. Therefore, this is no one's business but hers. She gets to make this decision, and should not have to leave town or her long-term job in order to do it.

I just wanted to get that out of the way before I got into what my main beef is. I don't know this woman, and I don't have to. I don't care about her politics, whether they are like mine or the opposite. All I need to know is that she wants to live her life and she not hurting anyone in the way she is doing it. Period. Leave her alone.

This is my problem: deliberately stupid people who don't think they are stupid. You know, the ones that come out of the woodwork whenever matters of the naughty bits come up.

I won't bore you with the details, but here are the highlights from some of the letters that they wrote in:

God's wrath, sin, lies, fantasy world, religious (i.e. Christian) persecution, moral downturn, and the explicit statement that we were allowing evil to happen and doing nothing to stop it (Yeah, they pulled out the Edmund Burke quote). And my personal favorite: what about the children??

Then there were the Facebook comments. Basically along the same lines as the letters. Only now I get to rile myself up chatting with them.

And it always came down to this: God said it's bad.

That's it. That's their whole argument in a nutshell.

You know, I don't care one bit if you believe in a god or not. I don't care what you think God wants you to believe, but the second you start attacking others for living their lives they way they see fit, the moment you start rallying the troops to hurt another person, simply because YOU would not live your life that way, and the instant you bring children into the mix...I am going to go angry mama bear on you. I do not suffer bullies lightly.

Make no mistake. These are bullies. They may hide behind their cross and their freedom of speech, but they are bullies. They are no different than those that yelled at and threw things at children just trying to go to school a generation ago. They are no different than those that attacked women just trying to vote. And, I don't pull this card very often, but someone will have to explain to me how they are different than those that promulgated anti-Semitic ideas and propaganda once upon a time.

They deny science and call it “opinion.” They deny facts and call it “faith.” They deny people and call it “hating the sin and loving the sinner.”

And they do it all with a smile.

I cannot take it anymore. I cannot be nice. I cannot pretend that their words are worthy of discussion. I cannot pretend that their “opinion” matters.

Do they have the right to say it? Of course. But, do I have the right to call them on it? Damn straight.

I am sick of letting them have the offensive position in this “debate.” (In quotation marks, as I do not see this as a debate, but a fight for reality.) I am sick of letting them piously proclaim that they believe the Earth was created in six days, six thousand years ago, that dinosaurs and people co-existed, and that Jesus is coming to take us all home in the Rapture. I am sick of letting them denounce a person's existence and proclaim them as evil.

I am sick of letting them get hate all over everything and then turn around and cry that they are the victim.

Oh, yeah. That's the best part. As soon as you challenge them with science, facts, and reality, they then decide that THEY are being persecuted. I mean, how dare I interfere with their God-given right to hate people? Yes, I am so horribly intolerant that I do not allow them their Christian right to ramp up the bigotry in an already homo/transphobic town to torch and pitchfork level.

Like I said, it's only when it concerns the naughty bits. I mean, where were they when we went to war? Where were they when the banks were robbing us blind? And where were they when protesters were being pepper sprayed while sitting with their arms linked? Where was their God then?

Apparently, God only cares if there is a crotch involved.

Well, I only care if you are hurting people. Believe whatever you want, but if you are going to castigate a person in the public arena, especially when that person didn't do anything to you or anyone else, I am going to care a LOT.

But, the one thing I am not caring much about is being nice to you. If you don't have enough sense to rub two brain cells together and see that you are being deliberately stupid, then I don't have enough patience to argue with you about it. So, grow the fuck up, read a real book, and join the 21^st century. It's YOU who are holding the human race back...YOU.

Not a small town science teacher who wants to wear a dress.

An Ecclesiastical Intervention

Dear United Methodist Church,

I think we need to have a talk.

While you are an organization that I respect greatly for your work in hurting areas around the world, I feel you are making some troubling choices lately. As I think that these choices are going to take you down a path that you might not be able to return from, I feel that an intervention is necessary. 

Please sit down.

You are going down the wrong path, UMC.  You are taking what precious little resources you have and using them to fight against a group that has done you no harm:  gay people.  You are hurting people in this futile fight: gay, straight, and everything in between.  You are driving them away.  You are tearing up families.  You are breaking their hearts.  

People trusted you, UMC.  They trusted you to be there for them.  They trusted they could lean on you when times were hard.  They trusted they could depend on you to do the right thing.  They trusted they could bring you their troubles and their joys.  Their births and their deaths.  Their marriages...well, apparently that came with a caveat.

You know, while it's going to sting, these people will eventually be fine.  They will go on to live their lives.  Maybe they will open up enough again to find another church...maybe not.  But, their livelihood does not depend on you.  Yours, however, DOES depend on them.

Do you think there will be an infinite number of people who think it's okay to discriminate against love?  Do you really think that your numbers will grow with every pastor you convict and fire just because they officiated in their child's wedding?  Do you really think that there is not a point where even the most loyal will simply shake their head, walk out that door, and never come back?

Because, there's not.  They won't.  And there is.

Just pack up these bigotries and tear that stupid page out of the book.  Stop putting pastors on trial for love.  Stop firing people for love.  Just tear that page out, burn it, bury the ashes and salt the ground.  It doesn't deserve a place in a house of worship, it doesn't deserve a place in a teaching, and it doesn't deserve a place in your future.  Get rid of it.

We want you to survive, UMC.  And, not just survive, but to thrive.   Put all your energy back into relief and healing.  Put your energy into uniting, not dividing.  Stop diluting it with these petty differences.   You really don't have enough of it to keep doing that.

UMC, you are on a bad path.  Many have given up, and many are considering it.  Even those who love you have limits.  Why would you want to risk everything to find out what they are?  There will be a point of no return.  Is this really what you want to be remembered for?  How many pastors you fired for marrying their children?  How many people you closed the doors on?  How you pointed to the words on a page, written by you, and claimed it was divine policy?

Just tear that page out, UMC.  We can start over, but you have to tear that page out like you mean it.

Also, I have some rainbow wristbands, if you are interested.


“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” -John Wesley

I do not think that word means what they think it means...

I listened to the radio for a bit this morning.  I had to turn it off.  If I hear one more news anchor refer to the problems with the ACA website and implementation as a "crisis," I will break my own eardrums.  I simply cannot listen to such hyperbole and, I'm sorry, STUPID anymore.  IT'S NOT A FUCKING CRISIS.

A war, a hurricane, a typhoon, an earthquake, a mass shooting, an outbreak (a REAL one), or a precarious nuclear reactor on the other side of the ocean...THOSE are worthy of the term "crisis."  This?  This is a hiccup.  This will be worked out (if SOMEONE will get out of the way).  This is NOT the end of the world. 

One day, this will all be a distant memory in the past.  Do you want to be remembered for your actions towards the good of the people?  Or, the good of the insurance companies?

Because, if you don't know that those hyping up the problems (and most likely causing them) are the insurance companies and their paid whores, then you don't deserve the brains in your head or the money in your wallet.  They had THREE YEARS to fix these problems with their junk plans, and they chose not to.  They could have chosen to improve those plans, and they chose not to.  They could have chosen to be partners in the healthcare industry, rather than the enemy...and they chose not to.

The REAL problem here?  That we don't have single payer.  Medicare for all, people.  Medicare for fucking ALL.

You want a crisis?  Check out the new voting laws in the states that were previously on a short leash.  Then you come and tell me that some glitches in a website and people being required to be responsible for their own healthcare are a crisis. 

I just hope you don't mind it I break my own eardrums when you do it.

The 2014 Promise

Dear House Republicans,

I write to you today with the knowledge that my husband, a federal employee, is sitting at home on furlough.  He will not get paid for this time, and we don't know when it will end.  We had only just started catching up on the bills that amassed through the years of the recession, when I could not get a job.  I went back to school and found a job as a paralegal.  We have a daughter in college and a son in high school.

With our two incomes, we realized we were the lucky ones.

There was no deciding whether or not to hold a bill for an extra month anymore.  There were no more meals where beans were the main ingredient.  When our children needed something, we could say "yes," not, "Maybe, if someone left one at the thrift store."

Not that there is a single thing wrong with shopping at a thrift store.  (New Community United Methodist Church Thrift Shop in Oakhurst, CA is my case in point.)  But, not when the answer is then no, if they don't have what your child needs...like a winter coat.

But, like I said, we knew we were now the lucky ones.  We both had jobs that, when put together, gave us an existence that didn't include the stress of trying to figure out how to feed four people on $50 a week.  Think it's so easy?  Then you've never tried it. Oh, and never mind gas for the car, electric, propane, water and insurance.  Never mind all of the extras (broken water heaters, flat tires, blown transmissions, dead a/c's, braces, etc.) that just pop up in life.  We had to figure it ALL out.  But, like I said, we knew that now, we were the lucky ones.

And now we are back to one salary.  Now, we are back to all that.  Now, we are...what?  The unlucky ones?

Nah.  You know why?

Because we will make it.  And, we won't make it because of you, but in spite of you.  We will make it, not because we are tough (although, don't discount that), but because we share.

That's right.  We are going to make it through this by sharing.  Maybe we don't have a lot right now, but we have more than most, and we have a little something to fall back on.  And we are going to make sure that we get to be someone else's cushion.  And, if we need it, someone else will be ours. 

You know why?

Because that is how a civilized society works.  Not by screwing each other out of savings, pensions, or salaries.  Not by holding the most vulnerable hostage (Just what IS the average salary of the federal employees that are being furloughed?   Oh, and what is yours?).  And not by being a big, fucking baby when you lose TWO ELECTIONS IN A ROW to a guy that you have some weird, obsessed, crazy fixation on.

You definitely don't kick the poor guy down in the data entry department because YOU are upset that said guy is kicking your ass in the polls and trying not to facepalm when he says your names. 

Dudes, you lost, it's law, and it's even fucking precedent. 

But, for some reason, that didn't stop you from deciding to take the rest of us down with you.  Oh, except, YOU aren't really going down the same way as us, are you?  No, we will be a bit broke, we will struggle to hold onto our possessions, and we will even worry about feeding our children.

But, we will get past this together.  We will recover from this mess you created.  And, we will vote in 2014, I promise.

The hole that you are going down?  I am pretty sure it is preceded by a flushing sound.

Buh-bye.

P.S.  The Republican I married still considers himself a Republican, by the way.  He just doesn't consider YOU one.

...One Giant Leap for Equality

Today, the United States Supreme Court said that the proponents of Proposition 8 that appealed Judge Walker's decision did not have standing.  In other words, they told the Prop 8 proponents:  this doesn't affect you.  You have no personal stake in the defense of this law.  To paraphrase:  general "ooginess" at the thought of gay marriage does not count.

The Court also struck down section three of the ironically named Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional.  No longer will marriages between same sex spouses be unrecognized by the federal government. 

I suppose it is the pessimist in me that had to first mourn the fact that the Prop 8 ruling was not farther reaching.  I will admit that I had hoped they would go all 14th Amendment on them and make this ruling apply to all the states.

I had to get over the fact that they did not overturn DOMA completely, but only one part of it, the section regarding federal recognition of gay marriage.  Arizona is still not required to recognize your California (or any other state) marriage.  No state has to recognize it.  But, that was not the question before the court, so they really couldn't.

I wanted to scream, "This isn't enough!"  I wanted to shake those robed wanna-be gods (who were already on my list after yesterday's Voting Rights Act ruling) and ask them why they couldn't have snuck a little bit more into the decision.

And then I step back and realize, we ARE a step closer-not farther-from full equality.  I hate that it is only a step, but it IS a huge step.  More than a step, it is a giant domino, ready to crash down on the next one, and the next.

Because, I am sure you all had the same experience I had if you were on Facebook just after 7 am this morning.  It exploded in celebration.  These times...they ARE a changing.  53% of people now support gay marriage.  Compare that with the 52% that voted for Prop 8 just four and a half years ago.  People just don't agree with equality and backslide into bigotry; they more FORWARD.  WE will not lose ground; we will only gain.  That is the benefit to using love and justice as your argument.

Prop 8's proponents are floundering, and they know it.  Their arguments have become desperate and shaky. And you know what?  They're not so popular anymore.  No one of any intelligence really believes that gay marriage hurts families or children.  To publicly promote that idea that being gay is wrong is becoming less and less acceptable, while being gay is becoming more and more just another normal way to be.

I personally love the idea of bigotry being forced into a closet, while love stands in the sunshine.

Because, to my mind, there was not other right way for the Supreme Court to decide, except for the side of equality.  Anything else would have been a lie.  Anything else would have been a mockery of our judicial system. 

Anything else would have been un-American.

This is an historic day, to put up there with Brown v Board of Education, Loving v Virginia, Lawrence v Texas, and Griswold v Connecticut.  All decisions that signaled positive turning points in our county.  All historic stepping stones to bigger and better things.  Including this one.

The United States v Windsor.  Hollingsworth v Perry.  We were here.  We all watched as we moved up one more giant step, closer than ever to that goal of complete equality.  We were witnesses to history today.

So, tonight, we celebrate.  Tomorrow...let's plan our next step.

The Witness

Honestly, I was not excited about going to Ash Wednesday service.  I was worried about how to gracefully decline the ashes without making it obvious.  Usually, we all go up to the front, just like on Communion Sunday, but since this service would be small, it would just be more obvious.  Not really a big deal, it's not like anyone gets upset, but I just didn't want to draw attention to it.

One might wonder why I even went then.  Fair question.  I sing in the choir.  The choir was singing tonight.  I could have just not gone, but that's not really my style.

The service is always very quiet, and very small.  Some music, some readings, some meditation, we get the ashes and we go home.  It's usually a nice service, but I will admit that I don't get much out of it.  I feel my atheism more strongly in it, which doesn't bother me, per se, but I wouldn't call it comfortable, either.

Tonight had about twice the people that are usually in attendance.  I didn't realize it until we stood up to sing, as I was in the front.  Pastor Helen commented twice, "We weren't expecting this many people!" although, clearly delighted by the numbers.

In the beginning of the service, Pastor Helen had set up stations.  I wish I could tell you more about them, but the options were:  stations or sit in silent meditation.  I sat.  I wanted to meditate, but I will admit to not being able to.  I am lucky to get my mind to shut up enough to be able to notice what is going on around me, never mind to work on what is in me. 

I am trying to set the scene here, trying to make it so you can picture it, so I can try to explain what happened.

Pastor Helen explained that we were going to do the ashes a little bit differently tonight.  Rather than all come to the front, with her administering them, she was going to take two bowls of ashes and have us administer them to each other.  It reminded me of the flame they pass at the end of each row on Christmas Eve, where the person next to you lights your candle, and you light the next person's candle.

I didn't object to the idea, only to the fact that, now, I was really going to be obvious.

I waited until the bowls were being passed.  I thought that people would be less likely to notice then.  I quietly went to the back of the church and sat there, watching.  I thought it was going to be an awkward several minutes. 

I was wrong.

As I watched from the back, I could see the couples holding hands, holding each other.  I could hear the people saying the words (a prayer?  I am not sure what to call it) to each other as they gave each other the ashes.  As the ashes made their way towards the back, I could see faces with smudged crosses.  I could hear the words more clearly, even though they would overlap as more than one person said them:

"Let these ashes on your head remind you that you are broken, but Christ will make you whole.  Let these ashes remind you that, one day we will all be ashes, but we love a God who has overcome even ashes."

The words by themselves would probably do nothing to me.  But, to hear them said so reverently, by people who believe that the call to love one another is Jesus' loudest message...it made them into beauty. It made them true.

I wished for a moment that I believed.  I wished that I could be in the thick of that, accepting the ashes, and believing that there was a deity that could (and would) make me whole.  Trust me...not the first time I have wished that I believed.  Life would be a LOT easier in this town if I did.

But, as I kept watching, I realized that if I had been up there, I would not have seen this beauty.  I would not have been so moved by the gentle hands applying ashes, the soft words of hope, and the music playing delicately in the background.  I would have been too much a part of it to be able to see it in its entirety...to see it whole and to feel its truth.

Sometimes, someone has to be the witness.  Someone has to be the observer, able to see the big picture in a way you cannot do when you are IN the picture.  When you are in the picture, you see your part; it is YOUR experience you remember.  It's hard to have your own experience and to notice your neighbor's, too.  That's not a bad thing; it just is.

Tonight, though...being the witness was an experience in and of itself.  Not everyone gets to see this kind of beauty.  The kind that inspires you to spread it around, to make people smile, to make what you put out into the world good.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I hope you witness beauty, too.  If not, then let someone witness yours.  Be their big picture.

Go in peace.

A Sharing of Fellowship

As many of you already know, I am an atheist.  I also go to church.  While I may not believe in a deity (and what I believe is not strictly that, but that is for another day), I DO believe in the teachings of Jesus, for the most part (I disagree with his stance on divorce).  My church understands how I feel, but they welcome me with open arms and do not try to change me:  we get along great. I think we both recognize that we are essentially on the same side. (Mark 9:40)

Communion trips me up a bit, though.  I realize there are two ways to look at it.  One is that you are taking in the body and blood of Jesus and the other is that you are communing with Jesus through the breaking of bread.  Both don't fit for me, but I definitely like the second one better. Maybe because for me, it is about the message, not the man.

I suppose I could look at it as breaking bread with my fellow man, or as a symbol of Jesus' message, but it just doesn't fit for me.  I would just be trying to make this act fit into a box it doesn't really fit in, at least for me.  It would feel forced, at least at this point in my journey.

Wikipedia describes the origin of the word communion:

"The term communion is derived from Latin communio (sharing in common). The corresponding term in Greek is κοινωνία, which is often translated as 'fellowship'."

If I look at communion this way, as a sharing in common, or as a fellowship, I can understand it a bit better.  A group of people symbolically showing their shared fellowship. And one of the things I really like about our church, is that this shared fellowship is open to anyone:  open doors, open hearts, open minds.  It is an open fellowship.

But, taking communion still doesn't feel like me.  I feel as though I would be saying something that I am not saying.  I feel as though it would false, and that is not fair to me or to the other people for whom it does mean something.  I respect their beliefs as much as I respect my own.

My beliefs did not come to me easily.  I was going to a church I absolutely loved, as they poured their hearts and resources into their community, no strings attached.  They have made it a mission to help those who need help.  They don't spend a lot of money on how things look; they spend it on how things ARE.  

They have invited the homeless to spend the night, taking part of a program with other churches in the area to keep the homeless from freezing to death at night in the winter.  They have a weekly meal, open to anyone who needs/wants food. and they don't require anything of them (no sermon, no "saving").  They give clothes to the women's prison for the women just getting out, who might need some clothes to begin their new life.  

They believe in clean water and air.  They believe that everyone has worth.  They believe that our LGBT brother and sisters are valuable members of our society and are welcomed with open arms.  They believe that we have a responsibility to the world:  love it, and its inhabitants, with all our minds, hearts, and souls.  Who can argue with all that?

(Strangely, a lot of people can, but that is for another day, as well.)

So, to come to realize that I did not believe in God, at least in the traditional sense, was a hard thing to come to.  I knew this church was where I belonged, where I WANTED to belong.  It took a long time for me to say it out loud to anyone, but they surprised me with their acceptance and love.  It's not that I thought they would turn me out, but I did not dare to believe that they would just...accept and love.  (That might have more to do my my own insecurities and issues, but it is how I felt at the time.)

I have been invited to take communion, no matter my beliefs.  My beautiful pastor has made it clear that I am always welcome, without having to change anything about myself.  The invitation makes me feel both wonderful and a little guilty.  Wonderful, because it only reaffirms that THIS is the place I want to be, but guilty, because I know that, for me, I can't.  At least not today.

Today is World Communion Sunday.  So, I decided that, as part of my shared fellowship, I would make the bread.  As I write this, I have two loaves of challah bread rising in the oven.  Right now, this is how I will take my communion: through a sharing of my loaves.  

I hope they can taste the love in them.

"In the Essentials, Unity"

A girl at work once asked me what my church believed.  I told her my church believed in kindness, inclusivity, helping those who have less, social justice, and mercy.  I told her that, because when I think of my church, these are the things that pop into my head.  I think of the people who always hug me and ask me how I am doing. I think of people who have almost nothing, but yet still go out of their way to give something to others.  I think of the people who advocate for the human rights of others:  equality, drinking water, shelter, and food.  And, I think of the people there who have hearts so big, that sometimes it amazes me that they don't burst with them. 

When I think of my church, really, I think of two main themes:  kindness, justice, and walking humbly and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

So, I thought I was answering her question.  But, her response was, "Don't they believe in God?"

That made me think.  Not about whether they actually believe in God (they do, for the record), but that she could not infer that from my answer.  Every single thing I named were things that Jesus called people to do, yet she could not see the God in them.  She still had to ask.

I have a hard time with all of this.  I personally do not believe in a sentient being that bears the name God.  I don't believe in the God in the Bible.  And, I cannot believe that God wrote the Bible.  But, I can believe that it was written by (or, at least, influenced by) people writing about their own God experience.  But, I cannot believe that even that the documentation of that experience remains untainted by humans and their inevitable failings, mostly greed (of money or power, most likely).  In fact, I believe much of the book is to be read through that filter.  

But, one of my favorite expressions is "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."  Just because I do not believe in all of it, does not mean that I can't believe any of it.  There is a freedom in that.  If I believe I can take what I want leave the rest, and ignore the parts that offend me, I can embrace the beauty and leave behind the difficult to explain (the whole "ineffable" argument just doesn't do it for me).  Sometimes, there is truth, even where there are not facts.

But, here's where I start having trouble reconciling things...I believe in what Jesus said.  I believe that we should do everything we can to help even the score in life.  I don't believe in hoarding money, and I believe success comes with an obligation to help others.  I don't believe that those who need help necessarily did anything wrong, and I believe that sometimes shit just happens (okay, Jesus may have not said that last part, but I bet he thought it).  I believe that kindness can be spread, that it is contagious, and that we all have an obligation to do our part to spread it.  But, I don't believe in God, and I don't believe that Jesus was God.

What does that make me?  Are you a Christian only because you believe?  And what do you have to believe?  Can you believe in the message without having to believe in the messenger?  Are you considered a follower if you follow his instructions, but not him personally?  And, who decides this?  Couldn't God just be the love we pour out everyday?  

I sit on a fence everyday.  Not a fence of my own beliefs, but a fence between two worlds.  I am an atheist who loves my church, my church that loves God.  My church that believes in kindness, inclusivity, helping those who have less, social justice, and mercy.  My church doesn't see this fence, this fence that separates us, and for that I love them.  And, to be honest, when I am with them, I don't see the fence either.

Why does the rest of the world?  If kindness, inclusivity, helping those who have less, social justice, and mercy are not enough to unite us...then what is?

What I Want My President to Understand

Mitt Romney's pick of Paul Ryan for the VP slot this last week has me shaking my head with disbelief.  It has me honestly wondering if the Republicans (or Romney himself) are purposely throwing this election to President Obama.  Because, I look at Mitt Romney, and all I can think is, "That man doesn't have a clue what it takes to do this."  And now, I look at Paul Ryan, and I think, "heartless douchebag."

I simply cannot understand this country's obsession with wealth.  I understand wanting to be comfortable, and I understand wanting to not have to ever worry about money, but the amount of wealth that is concentrated in the hands of just a few has gone way past crazy.  I saw a meme that pointed out that we have interventions for people who hoard things like cats and knickknacks, but those only affect the person living in the house and maybe the immediate neighbors and close family.  A person who hoards hundreds of millions of dollars, even billions, and does not put them back out into society, is doing more harm than the cat lady ever could...and we hold them up as something to aspire to.

The person we elect as President should understand that.  

Other things the President should understand:

Access to healthcare should be a right.  And the very first reason I can think of for that is not even altruistic:  sick people make other people sick.  Sick people cost companies money.  And sick people cost more when they can't afford to treat their illness when it is still minor.

That is not even accounting for what it does to a person to live in constant fear that they will get sick and not be able to go to the doctor.  Or, when they have to watch a spouse die because they cannot afford the medicine.  Or, a child.  The President should understand this.

The President should understand that access to education is a necessary part of a democratic society.  Education is supposed to be the great equalizer, bringing people of all socio-economic backgrounds to a more level playing field.  Except, it doesn't really.  If you live in a wealthy neighborhood, chances are, you have a nicer school and more opportunities at that school, than the kid who lives in public housing.  And college?  It is becoming a privilege of the wealthy, or of those willing to put themselves into debt to get there. Which begs the question:  how are we ever going to have more teachers if they can't afford the schooling or the debt?

The President should understand that companies who send jobs overseas should be penalized, not rewarded.  The penalty should offset whatever they save in paying what would be a slave wage here, over there (wherever "there" is). I have heard the argument that the people who work in these low paying jobs make more than they ever otherwise would.  Does that make it right?  Why not just pay them what they are worth?  How about just keeping those jobs here?  Then you might have people who could actually afford those things you are selling.

I don't have an argument with helping our neighbors across the ocean.  I have a problem with exploiting them and getting away with it because they are so desperate that they won't complain.  They are so desperate that they are HAPPY to have these jobs. And, the "job creator" makes millions.  They don't employ those people to help them; they do it because they know they can make more money off them.  Our President should be standing up for us AND for the workers across the sea.  We are both getting screwed.

Our President should also understand that we are not a bunch of single people living alongside each other, but a country of communities, people living together, depending on each other whether we know it or not (whether we want to believe it or not).  No matter what you want to believe, none of us does this alone.  We are intertwined and that won't change.  

I hear some of the very wealthiest Americans shouting how they did this all themselves, and how no one helped them. And, then I heard people lose their minds when President Obama dared to suggest that, even if they didn't want to admit it or maybe didn't see it, they had help.  

They had teachers who taught them.  Police officers who protected them.  Libraries that informed them.  And, the roads they drove on. I could go on and on.  The farmers that fed them, the water they drank (even what happened to the food and water AFTER they ate and drank it), and even the quality of the air that they breathed.

Sure, private industry COULD do this, but the very point of combining forces is to make it available to everyone.  Education, healthcare, safety, books, food, water...do we want these to become the exclusive rights of the rich?  Do we really want a society where the privileged live up on a hill, with all the unnecessary items to live, while the rest of us scramble at the bottom, trying to catch their leftovers?

Which brings me to the most important thing that our President should understand:

Trickle down doesn't work.  The rules need to make sure that we do not coddle the uber-wealthy.  They became rich BECAUSE of this country, not in spite of it, and they need to pass it on to the next guy.  I keep hearing about how great the 50's were...yeah, they had high taxes on the wealthy.  The government used it to invest in this country, and it WORKED.

I read an analogy about "equality of outcome" and "equality of opportunity" once.  It compared equality of outcome to cutting up a pie, and everyone got an equal piece, no matter what.  Equality of income was described as putting the pie out and everyone had an equal opportunity to try and grab a piece.  I really don't like this analogy.  It implies that we need to try and grab something before someone else does, as though there really isn't enough for all of us and if you don't mow someone down to get your piece, you are SOL.  I don't believe that.

I believe in equality of opportunity, but I believe that we should all have the same ingredients, like in a recipe or a garden.  We should all have access to those ingredients, but WE decide how hard we work at making them come together.  This shouldn't be a contest; it should be a union.  What if we all rooted for each other? Would it take away from our success if our neighbor did well?  Would it take away from his, if we did?  I get the argument of "well, there's always that guy who does nothing and we just support him."  Well, we have raised our kids for thirty years now to believe in the "Mine!" theory, is it any wonder that they are practicing it?  What if we started teaching our kids that they all need to stand up for each other, to support each other, root each other on?  What if we taught them, that we only win if we ALL win?

That's what I want my President to understand.

 

The Chick-fil-a Kiss In (or "How the World Came to a Fiery End Because of the Gays")

I am having a very difficult time being serene today. I read the article written in the Fresno Bee about the Kiss In at Chick-fil-a that is scheduled for Friday. But, it is not really the article that has gotten me so out of sorts; it is the comments section.

First off: I love free speech. I love that we are free to say (almost) anything that we want, and the government will not throw us in jail. I love that my opinion is free to be whatever I want it to be. I love that others are free to give their opinions, also without fear of arrest.

This is NOT about people not being able to express themselves freely. This is about the fact that, when given this amazing right, they use it to bash and threaten others. They use it to lie and spread hatred and to imply violence (sometimes, outright say it). They use this blood-soaked right in order to fight against the rights of others.

So, it is not the fact that they USE it; it is the fact that they have made a mockery of it. And, then they hide behind it using (wait for it...) freedom of religion. Yes, they claim that they are a "God-fearing" person that just can't STAND what the homosexuals have tried to do to this country. How the gays just 'can't leave it alone" and that Chick-fil-a is filled with good people that the gays just want to harm.

Okay, I can totally get behind the idea that the people behind the counter may be good and decent people. My guess is, they are also at the bottom of the financial food chain, too, so they have nothing but my sympathy on that front. But, does that mean that the rest of us need to lay down and accept the inequality that the anti-gay agenda is trying to cement into society? Does the fact that good people may be a little uncomfortable as their managers scramble around trying to deal with the fact that the gays are in their store and (gasp) kissing, mean that we throw in the towel?

Good people were uncomfortable with integration, too, at first. When you are taught something, like bigotry, from a very early age, you accept it as your norm. And, people get upset when their norm gets questioned, or god forbid, proven wrong. Then they become like the angry cornered animal: they bite.

And, THAT is what is upsetting me so much. At an intellectual level, I understand why they are doing it (fear) and how they got there (ignorance). But, like the cornered animal, they are still to be taken seriously. Like this post:



There were many like this, but then we moved into true brother-married-sister territory:



I did think that this response to the above comment was epic:



Those were but a couple samples of the words of those wonderful "God-fearing" people. (Never understood that term...if God is love, why do they fear him so much?) Yes, it was comment after comment of how the gays want to take away their right to free speech and a huge amount said that gays should just shut the fuck up.

Yes, they told the gays to shut the fuck up after accusing them of trying to abridge their own right to free speech. I shit you not.

Here's the thing, it is not that I want them to shut up. I just want them to start using the brain in their head and THINK for a moment.

1. Chick-fil-a gave money to anti-gay organizations that actively are working to take away gay people's civil rights. This is not about having an opinion; this is about actively working to take away people's rights. There is a HUGE difference.

2. They are hiding behind a man who never said a single anti-gay word. They are using a religion that was based on being kind to others as their reason for being dicks to others. (Seriously, how do their heads not explode under this kind of dissonance?)

3. And the crux of the issue: IT DOES NOT AFFECT THEIR FUCKING LIVES IF GAY PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME CIVIL RIGHTS AS THEY DO. You have no idea how much it pains me to have to explain such a simple concept to a gradeschooler, let along an adult who should have been able to see this with their fucking eyes closed. See, taking gays people's rights away? That DOES affect them and they have EVERY GODDAMN RIGHT to be pissed and to fight back. But, gay people actually having those rights? Face it, if Fucks It Up News and that idiot on the Corner(stone) didn't TELL you to be pissed, you might actually have time in your head for the things that really SHOULD piss you off (like speculators fucking with the price of oil or that elections can be freely bought now, or the fact that our produce is now something not found in nature, or that food companies have fought (and won) the right NOT to tell you if anything in their product is a GMO).

Because, god forbid you actually get upset over something that actually WOULD affect your life.

Because, unless YOU are the one being kissed, I can tell you with great assurance, it does NOT affect you.

Protecting the President's King

Let me say right off that I understand the skepticism and the caution. President Obama, after all, waited nearly four years to say anything this unequivocal. He sat and watched while state after state chose to pull right after right away, sometimes preemptively. Sometimes he spoke up, but generally, it was weak tea.

But, this time it was different. He said:

"At a certain point, I've just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married."

Now, there are two schools of thought. One is that he has "evolved," like he had stated, and that this is something that he has come to during his presidency. The other is that this is a political calculation, done to try and garner votes (whether he believes it or not is immaterial).

I am going to come out right now and say neither matters. This is still a good thing. This is a sitting president publicly throwing in his lot with lgbt people. After North Carolina, no one can deny that we need that endorsement right now. At the very least, it is a tiny bit of salve on the wound.

Should he have come out with this before the election in North Carolina? Well, do you honestly believe it would have made a difference? It was not a small margin that it lost by. I really don't believe that anyone who cared about gay rights would have stayed home just because the president hadn't given his endorsement. Honestly, I think it is a more likely scenario is that it would have riled more bigots up to get out and vote against it because Obama supported it.

But, coming on the heels of this loss...we are angered. We are hurting. We are motivated again. We are cognizant once again of what happens when we are complacent, when we don't speak loudly enough. Once again, we see the results of those who already speak loudly, with a cable news microphone, throwing lighter fluid on the flames.

And then the President comes in and sacrifices his queen for us. He knows that this will anger some people to the point that they will never vote for him again, even if they voted for him the last time. But, honestly, there were a lot of people who were going to throw this election away, because they wouldn't vote for him if he didn't come out for gay marriage. Maybe not enough to make a difference, but enough to make his election to a second term not a sure thing. And, that is too close for comfort.

Because, what would our other option be? Mitt Romney? That's not just biting off your nose to spite your face, that's lopping off the whole head. Ron Paul? Yeah, he's for gay marriage, but against rights for women and blacks. And Gingrich? He supports a federal (!) amendment to ban gay marriage.

We cannot do anything that would put any of these men and their ilk in the White House. We cannot stay home. We cannot be complacent. We cannot lose. People are waiting, with their lives on hold, for people to understand that rights are not given. That's why are called rights. But, rights have been denied and we need to change that.

President Obama is not perfect, but we don't get perfect in politics. However, when I have to chose between not perfect and perfectly awful, I will vote for not perfect everytime.

The President is no longer riding the fence. He is with us, for better or for worse. We need to have his back. We need to support him and win this election in a landslide. We also need to vote out the bigots in Congress who have been thwarting every move he has tried to make. Change cannot happen when only one person is doing it. We need to get people in there that will work with him and people who believe in fairness and equality.

He sacrificed his queen for us. Now, let's protect his King and get her back.

A Painful Blip in Time

I don't know what to say that I haven't said before. I don't know how to convince people if it didn't work before. I don't know how to hold back this tide of fear and hate that seems to be gaining tread in this country, in this world.

But, being quiet doesn't feel like an option.

Bigots won today in North Carolina. They won last week at the Methodist General Conference.

The definition of a bigot is a "person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices, especially one exhibiting intolerance, irrationality, and animosity toward those of differing beliefs."

How is deciding that others should not have the very same rights that you enjoy just by existing not being irrational and intolerant?

I am not "name-calling." I am "naming." There is a difference. This is not a word meant to hurt, but a word meant to make them open their eyes. If there is a tiny shred of humanity left in them...it just might make them listen and think about what they do.

The whole thing just makes my heart hurt and I get a feeling that we are feeling what the civil rights worker in the 60's felt. But, then, realizing that what they felt was probably even stronger and that they really were in the face of greater odds (we at least have that legislation and time to piggyback on), I feel like we can do this. This is only a blip in time and one day it'll be in a history book. And, when our grandkids read about it, we can say "We fought for equal rights. We lost friends. We lost battles. Sometimes, we lost hope. But, we picked ourselves up and we kept fighting. We did it, because it was the only right thing to do."

Hopefully, by then, this will all be over and out grandkids will be amazed that this was ever an issue.

I am not ashamed to be a Methodist...but, they should be.

Methodists vote to keep derogatory anti-gay language.

Dear Methodist General Conference,

Congratulations. You’ve just re-affirmed acceptance of homophobia in the name of a man who told you to go and love everyone…without exception.

In this day and age, one would think that we have moved past this pettiness and into a space where we can allow for love to thrive, unhindered. One would expect a world that can see what is obvious: love is love is love. One would hope that we have learned from our lessons of the past: singling out a group for derision never ends well…for anyone, but most especially for that group.

You see, you can take the Bible, point to a few carefully picked verses, and claim that this is what God wants, but I would be very careful about doing that. As soon as you start using the Bible, or Jesus, as a tool of segregation, you have totally missed the point of your religion. Moreover, you seem to have completely missed the New Testament.

Jesus didn’t put caveats, disclaimers, conditions, or rules on his order to love your neighbor. He never said that anyone had any reason that they shouldn’t be able to hang with him. In fact, he chose to hang with those who most of us wouldn’t want to share a pew with on Sundays. And, he just loved them. He never told anyone they were “incompatible “with his teachings.

The main point behind almost all of Jesus’s lessons were to be kind to each other. I fail to see how telling a person that they are “incompatible” with lessons about kindness, simply because of who they fell in love with, is following Jesus’s teachings. It is simply mean. It serves no purpose other than to make a small-minded person feel big.

Homosexuality is not, nor has it ever been, incompatible with Christian teachings. However, homophobia, and the promulgation of it, IS.

I love my gay families and when you are talking to them, you are talking to ME.

"Straight Pride?" I seriously could not be LESS proud to be straight when I see your stupid shirt

I got asked a question this week. I got asked, "What do you do when someone around you says something against homosexuality?"

It made me think. Not so much about what I do, but how it makes me feel. What I do is, I try to reason. I try to speak eloquently. I try to sway them with my powers of persuasion. And what usually winds up happening is, I want to break their face in with frustration. I feel as though I am pounding my head against a wall and they are laughing at me. I feel as though they enjoy watching me come up with logical arguments that they can spin around into "but, the Bible says so" or "but, it's not natural." No matter what I say, they will not see the facts, but will instead say "let's just agree to disagree."

Fuck that.

You can NOT have your own facts. You can NOT make up your own truth. And, you can NOT harm this next generation and force them back into a closet. At least, you can't do it without a fight.

Because fight you, I will. I don't care if you are 17 or 71, I will not let you get away with your lies. Especially when you try to use a man of peace and inclusion as your front man. Jesus is on your side? Seriously? Because I am positive you make the tiny baby Jesus cry everytime you speak his name.

Because, everytime you put someone down for what they are, for who they love, and for being proud to be themselves, you bring evil into this world. Everytime you tell someone that they are "unnatural", the world gets a little darker. And everytime, you push a person into your ready-made shame and disgust, by telling them that they are wrong and shouldn't exist, you are only a step away from being a murderer.

When you tell someone that their very being is wrong, that they are an abomination, and that they can't have the same basic human rights as everyone else, you kill a little part of them. And when you go out of your way to repeal laws that protect them as people and pass laws that purposely neglect them, you are telling them that they are not as human as the rest of us. And if they aren't as good and can never be as good, what is the use?

And that is when YOU have blood on your hands.

So, go ahead and wear you stupid shirt. You have every right. I also have every right to tell you what a fucking idiot you look like when you do.

Like this:

Make a Vow: Never Be Silent

Yesterday, a move towards justice was made when Judge Walker informed us of what every kindergartner is taught the first day of school: play nice and share. At long last, California law no longer legitimizes the discrimination of gays and lesbians in regards to marriage. This is a victory.

But, this fight is not over. The minds that brought this about still exist. The people who challenged the right to love and to have that love recognized, will not stop. And while it is well and good to make your fight big, it is more important to make it deep.

So talk. Talk about equality. Make them uncomfortable. Drag the bigotry out into the sunshine, where it can die. Talk at work, at school, at home. Talk about it with your friends, your family, with a total stranger. Wear your views where they can be seen. We will drag people, kicking and screaming if we have to, into the 21st century.

Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not the time, the place, or that’s it’s inappropriate. Equality is NEVER inappropriate. Don’t let them tell you that this is a political issue and that we can “agree to disagree.” I will never agree to disagree. I will never concede that anyone has the right to tell another how to live their life and I will never allow that it is just a political issue. These are people’s LIVES they are playing with here and they cannot be allowed to “agree to disagree.”

Make a vow: Never be silent.
Where there is injustice, speak out.
When a wrong is done to another, defend them.
When you see bigotry, squelch it with truth.
Never be afraid of defending what is right and teach your children the same.
Teach them closets are for clothes, bigotry belongs firmly in the past, and that they are our future.
Tell them that if they don't speak out, no one else will.
Teach them: never be silent.

Small minds :(

I hate this country sometimes. Not the country itself, but some of the people in it. I guess what I really hate is that "We're number one!" attitude that people get that is REALLY saying "The rest of you SUCK!"

I hate that people get so bitter over pressing "one" for English. My gods, if that is REALLY what fucks up your day, then you might want to re-examine your life. I hope you get stuck in a foreign country, poor as a church mouse, trying to learn a language with people looking down their nose at you. Where they make laws taking away your rights just because you look a certain way or act a certain way and then call it "reasonable."

I hate that they complain about jobs being taken by bilingual people, but they won't learn another language themselves. If it is that easy, why don't THEY learn another language? We shouldn't have to, they say. We were here first. Yeah, well I am sure that you can find a Native American to go and commiserate with. Good luck with that.

I just hate that people aren't nice to people who don't look like them, don't sound like them, or don't act exactly like them. I hate that our country is seeming to become more racist by the day and I hate that I see nice people jumping on this bandwagon all under the guise of saving money, saving jobs, and saving our country.

What, exactly, are we saving it for? Are these not the tired, hungry, and poor huddled masses? Would you prefer they came in and took over the land and killed us all? Gave us the proverbial blankets of smallpox? Oh, wait. Those were real. (And that was US.)

So, the ones who came in and committed mass genocide and stole the land and basically raped this continent; they are heroes. The Mexican family down the street working two jobs to try and feed their kids so they may have a better life; well, in Arizona, they'd better have ID on them at all times. And god forbid a family in Alabama can't understand anything at their kids' parent/teacher conference-everything is to be in English now.

So, while everyone is so concerned about jobs, money, and country, they have forgotten our humanity.

Sigh. I hate this country sometimes.

My Pledge

I pledge allegiance to the human race and all the beings of planet Earth and to the goodness of which they are capable, with humanity and dignity for all.

I decided to write my own pledge. I refuse to say the other one. I refuse to pledge allegiance to a piece of fabric or to a country that is not always right. I will support goodness where it is present, regardless of nationality. I support people, not countries. When my country is right, it has my full support. When it is wrong, it does not. The same goes for any other country on this planet.

A mother is a mother on any corner of this Earth. As are fathers and children.

The Real Reason Jesus Cries

As a liberal, I think I try to look at other viewpoints than my own. I don't mean that I always agree with them, but I look at them. If they feel like they might have some truth, I look again. And if I find something in them that IS true, I admit it. But, sometimes I look at it, see it's full of shit and I say so. But, I DID look at it. I just don't feel the need to pretend I agree with it.

That being said, I don't think that all viewpoints are valid. I think some ARE full of shit. For instance, teabaggers are full of shit. What are they upset about? They say it's taxes and debt, but you know part of the reason we have all this debt? A war. A war that these SAME PEOPLE called us liberal whackos and un-American for opposing. So, it was okay to run up a stomach-churning debt in the name of killing people, but not for making sure that people, working people, can have access to health-care? Oh no, well health care? That's just like Hitler!

Uh huh. Full 'o shite.

And the people who didn't want their kids to hear about staying in school and working hard and taking responsibility for themselves and their education? Well, that's indoctrination! If Obama talks to my kids, they will turn out to be gay, socialist, bunny-hugging environmentalists! (Actually, we should be so lucky.) Don't you know that "staying in school" is just code for "socialized medicine"? And "taking responsibility" really means "global warming is real"? Come on, people, catch up!

Full of it? Oh yeah.

And gay marriage (come on, you had to know that one was coming) will destroy your marriage, turn your kids gay, human race will die out, taxes will be higher, health care will be more expensive, no one (except gays) will want to get married anymore, and Jesus will cry. If you believe any ONE of these, then you are dumb as a tree stump. But, these are viewpoints. (Personally, I think that if Jesus is real, he is crying because he saved a bunch of stupid people.)

So, should I take any of these seriously? Do I take them as a valid opinion or a paranoid's fantasy? What makes an opinion valid? I think being able to back it up with proof helps a LOT. And if you get your "facts" from Fox, then you might want to run them by a second or third source first (and Rush does NOT count). But, anytime you want to tell someone that they can't have the sames things you do, that they can't have that operation without losing everything they have worked for, when you tell your child to NOT trust the President when he tells him to work hard and stay in school, you are pushing the crazy envelope. Especially on the third one. You aren't telling your child that you oppose a policy, but you oppose the MAN. When you spread the fear and lies about how "dangerous" he is to America, how long will it be before someone decides they have to save it? Will it be you? Will it be your child? Or someone else's?

So, no, I do not take these opinions as valid ones. I agree with Jimmy Carter that the more vitriolic ones are led by the color of President Obama's skin, rather than true opposition to his policies. And I believe that opposition to gay marriage has a lot more to do with, well everything to do with, homophobia than with any form of religion.

And while I take them seriously, I will never accept them as valid. Oh, and just because someone doesn't waver in their opinion or viewpoint, that is not necessarily something to be proud of or admired. Not in and of itself. There is no justification in the defense of prejudice. Be proud of your stand, not because you stand.

Inspiration can come from the strangest places

You know, you don't know me. You don't really know if I am gay or if I am straight. But, that didn't stop you from yelling in my face, screaming the word "gay", as though it was a bad thing. That didn't stop any of you from pushing me or touching me, even though I went out of my way to have no physical contact with you.

It didn't stop you from hating me. You say you don't, but your actions say different. You say you "love the sinner, hate the sin", but your love is a strange one to me. Because I don't steal from those I love. I don't manipulate court systems to take away civil rights from those I love. And I certainly don't look at them the way you looked at me tonight. So, love? I do not think that word means what you think it means.

I don't hate you. But, I hate what you've done. I hate that you made a mockery of our state's initiative process. I hate that you shredded the Constitution. I hate that people fell for your lies and voted against civil rights. And I felt sick to my stomach with fear for this country, when I learned that the travesty that is Prop 8 is being upheld by six of the seven state supreme court justices.

But, dancing on the grave of equality? The way you did tonight? You put a fire in me. A fire that will burn long and hard. A fire that will keep me sustained when all feels lost. I will pour everything I have into defeating this. So, where tonight might have depressed me, it only inspired me to fight harder. And the best part? You started it, but you will never put it out.

Huh. Irony much?