Evil happens when good people are silent

Thanksgiving was just a few days ago (at least at the time of this writing) and there were many things I had to be thankful for this year. At least one of us has a good job, my family is healthy, I’m in school and doing well, and we have a new roof over our heads this winter. We also have a new president-elect who is capable of complete sentences. So, all should be right in the world, right?

We can be grateful for all we have and still upset at what we don’t have. And what we don’t have is a country that recognizes all of its citizens’ rights. What we have is a country that is going back on its promises of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. If marriage is a “basic civil right” (Loving v Virginia, 1967) and “separate is inherently not equal” (Brown v Board of Education, 1954), then how on Earth can denying same-sex marriages be justified? How can the US Supreme Court decide to be silent on this?

Well, this is what we don’t have that I am still upset about: my fellow citizens being denied their rights. So, I use my First Amendment rights to go and let the world know that this will not stand with me. I protest, because making a big noise is sometimes the only way that people will hear you. I will not stop until every consenting adult that wants to get married, can get married. (Note: I hate that I have to quantify that statement with “consenting adult”. Of course that is what I mean. What idiot would think I meant an animal or a child? Oh yeah, the right wing religious folk, who are using bestiality and pedophiles as an argument against gay marriage. Sorry guys, you were the only ones whose minds were going there. Thanks for dragging us into it.)

We had Thanksgiving late this year. We had family that was not coming in until Saturday, so my mother-in-law and I agreed to wait a couple of days till they got here. We wanted to have as much family present as possible. The only drawback to this plan was that my husband was leaving to go out of town on Saturday morning, but since he doesn’t care for turkey, we had a mini turkey-free celebration with him on Thursday. My point is that I was celebrating Thanksgiving after the protest for Prop 8 on Saturday.

The reason I want you to know this is because while at the protest, I talked to a few people who commented on their own Thanksgivings. Thanksgivings that were spent with family that openly voted against their civil rights. Family that had no issue, apparently, with letting them know this either. They had to sit and break bread with someone who considered them a threat to their own marriage. Let me reiterate: their families did this to them. These are the people that know them and (I hope) love them. These are the people who are supposed to be with you, thick or thin. Yet, these people looked at their homosexual family members and said, “No, you can’t.”

They said, “You can’t have that piece of paper. You can’t have that legitimacy. You can’t have that reassurance. You can’t have that respect. You can’t have that safety net. And as much as you love us, and want our respect and our blessings to be who you are, well no, you can’t.”

And then, I’m sure, they said grace and patted themselves on the back for being able to sit down and break bread with a sinner. Because, oh, they love the sinner. It’s just that pesky sin they hate. Isn’t it just wonderful that we can put aside our differences and enjoy the holidays together? It reminds me of reading about slaves being asked by their owners, “Don’t we treat you well? You like it here, don’t you?” Ugh.

So, I had my Thanksgiving right after this protest. It was my husband’s aunt and uncle and cousin that we were waiting for. They were there when I got there. I hadn’t seen them in awhile and honestly wasn’t sure where they stood on the Prop 8 issue.

The short of it? They voted yes on 8.

My husband’s aunt made sure I knew that she voted for Obama. Why? I don’t know. Maybe to seem cooler to me. Personally, I don’t think it makes any sense to vote for Obama, and then yes on 8. You’ve really cancelled out any common sense you might have had by doing that. Anyway, her reason for doing so was because she had to “vote biblically”. “Vote biblically”? So, that means no more Red Lobster? No women’s rights? Polygamy? Slavery? Public stonings? No more cotton blends?

I tried to reason with her. I tried to tell her all of that, but she kept saying that “biblically”, this is what she believed. But, here’s the most unbelievable part:

“But, Jesus didn’t say anything about homosexuality,” I said, throwing out one of my favorite arguments. I then sat back, thinking, “Ha, got her!” But, I was about to be broad sided by an argument I had not yet come up against. (Maybe the rest of you had and you’re thinking “silly girl”, and you’d be right. But I am no longer silly and I’ll be ready next time.)

She said:

“I think he did say something about it and it never made it into the Bible. How can you prove he didn’t?”

Now, the main problem is, you are arguing with someone who is arguing that this book was written by a deity, who chooses not to show himself and will offer no proof of his existence. Yet, this book has been used to justify murder, wars, and hatred. This book has been used as a weapon, yet touted as a book of love. Arguing with a fundamentalist Christian is like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. Like the Jell-O refuses to stick on the wall, logical thought refuses to stick in their heads.

My other problem was my mother-in-law, who at this point was pleading for a peaceful dinner. Since she voted no on 8, I gave in on this one. But, my aunt had to say one more thing:

“Isn’t it wonderful that we can agree to disagree?”

And because I am such a good daughter-in-law, I kept quiet and smiled at her. Later, as I thought about it, I was angry with myself for not thinking of the obvious rebuttal to what she had said. It’s true, how can anyone prove he didn’t say anything about it? But, what did he say? If he had said homosexuality was a sin, don’t you think that would have made the final cut? What are the odds that that would have ended up on the editing room floor? Isn’t it way more likely that he said homosexuality is not a sin? Isn’t it more likely that this man, who preached love, forgiveness and practiced tolerance of others, would have realized that love is love? That there is so much hate and hurt in this world, that to deny love where it is found, is, in fact, the sin?

So, I say this: to all of you out there, who find love where it is, rather than where it “should” be, I am beside you. I will walk with you, chant with you, cry with you and fight with you. I will not be silent the next time I am asked to be silent. I would rather be a good person than a good daughter in law. I thought maybe that it wasn’t the time or place to argue, but I was wrong. Wherever there is injustice or bigotry, wherever someone is trying to cloak their hate in love, whenever someone’s rights are being trampled on, that is the time and that is the place to fight.

An Emphatic NO on Prop 8

For those not in the know, Proposition 8 is a proposed amendment to the California state constitution. It states that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman. It would make gay marriage illegal. That he does not support gay marriage is my one problem with Senator Obama. I sincerely hope that one day he will see the light.

Thomas Merton wrote, “We owe a definite homage to the reality around us and we are obliged, at certain times, to say what things are and to give them their right names.” He was right and there is to be no more sidestepping the issue. Proposition 8 is about prejudice against gays and lesbians. There, I said it. How else to explain why straight people even care why someone else gets married? It is not about preserving the “sanctity of marriage”. If that were the case, then these same people would be against allowing divorce. Why aren’t they picketing the offices of divorce lawyers? Wouldn’t that make more sense than telling someone that they can’t get married in order to preserve marriage? Where does that make sense? It is because they are not trying to preserve marriage, they are just trying to prevent same sex marriage. Paint it any color you want, call it anything you want, it’s prejudice.
The second reason I hear about is that if Prop 8 does not pass, teachers will have to teach that homosexuality is okay. Do some people really think that just because a teacher does or does not teach this that their child will never come across a gay person? Do they really think their child will never be in a class with a child who has same-sex parents? Do they really believe that none of them will have a child that is homosexual? Again, let’s give this thing its right name: prejudice. They are advocating the teaching of prejudice by forcing these teachers into a curriculum that marginalizes people by not recognizing them as human beings the same as the rest of us. I believe that is what Hitler did with the Jewish people. Do you really want your kids learning this? Or do you want them to learn that people come in all shapes, colors, and sizes and that we can have different lives, lifestyles and opinions, and that we can respect those differences without having to agree with them. I say this firmly: People who do not want their child to learn an opposing viewpoint realize that their own viewpoint cannot take a hit. It will crumble and fall. Because the only thing that holds prejudice up is ignorance.
Proposition 8 is about prejudice, ignorance and fear. Those who are for Proposition 8 are trying to make others afraid of what will happen if they don’t vote for it. I say be afraid of what will happen if you do. Think about it. You will be voting for an amendment to the state constitution to take away someone’s civil rights. That is as Anti-American as it gets. Americans vote for freedom, not against.

“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out -
because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out -
because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out -
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.”-Pastor Martin Niemöller