Freedom to Marry Day

Yeah, I know I'm cheating by putting this two places, but I can't help it. Not everyone will see it there and not everyone will see it here and I liked what I wrote. So, here you go...

Ah, love, sweet love. And look! It’s Valentine’s Week! That week of hearts, roses and cheesy Valentines. This is the week to sneak that little candy heart to that special person that says “Will U B Mine?”

This is also the week to get married. How romantic would that be! The Fresno Mayor has just declared this Celebrate Marriage Week. How perfect! A week to celebrate that union of love and togetherness; that sacrament called marriage.

You know, I’m not sure how much more snark I can pull off without my head exploding. Because today four same-sex couples went before the Fresno County Clerk and asked for marriage licenses and they were denied. So, this week? Not so much with the celebration. No, it was more of a “we can’t believe you people are still trying to make us sit in the back of the bus didn’t we resolve the civil rights issue forty years ago” kind of party. Except without the party part.

Today was Freedom to Marry Day. There were about two dozen of us there. Some of us were there to support. We had gay supporters and straight supporters. Straight Advocates for Equality (SAFE) had a table full of information about how straight supporters of gay rights can help out their fellow human beings in their quest for equality. We had clergy from reconciling and welcoming churches there. We had Pastor Vickie Armour-Healy from Wesley United Methodist Church and Reverend Bryan Jessup from the Unitarian Universalist Church. Both were thrilled to be there to show their support of gay marriage and sported buttons saying “Straight, but not narrow”.

However, some of us were there today to get marriage licenses. Four couples in all went in, one at a time and requested a marriage license. Each couple was asked if this was a same-sex couple and each time was given the very rehearsed sounding speech of “In the state of California, blah, blah, blah”. Short version? “No, you can’t.”

Wait a minute! Isn’t this Celebrate Marriage Week? Isn’t this the week that “we come together this week to reaffirm marriage as the foundation of healthy families and a healthy future for America”? I’m not making this up, folks. It’s the first line of the proclamation that the mayor sent to the city council on Tuesday. So, the city of Fresno says that marriage is the foundation of a healthy family and future for America. Does this mean that they support equal marriage? Because if they don’t, then based on this, one might infer that they don’t think that everyone should have a healthy family and future. I am sure, however, that that is not what they mean and that the mayor and city council would never advocate inequality nor an unhealthy family or future. But, to be honest, I would love to hear it directly from one of them.

So, today we held up signs saying “All Men Are Created Equal” and “Liberty and Justice for All”. Some held their Marriage Equality signs up proudly and everyone walked tall today. I think that “pride” is more than code for “LGBT”. It’s what people have to be when others look down on them. It’s what you have to have when the world keeps slamming a door in your face. Today, we stood together; proudly giving voice to the stand that is equality. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, straight, questioning, queer, clergy and even one of the media. This is not about whether or not gay marriage is right. We KNOW it’s right. This is about when are people going to do the right thing and support it.

Next, year, it’s going to be “yes, you can.” And I’m going to be there to see it. THEN we’ll have a party.

So NOT over it

I am really bothered by some things. The top of my list starts with Rick Warren.

I don't get it. How is picking a pastor who is NOT inclusive, being inclusive?

He compared gay people to pedophiles and bestiality. He said that even if it is proven that being gay is biological, that gay people should still resist it, just like people resist being angry or fearful. Then he said that he had gay friends (I'm so sure) that asked him why they can't have multiple partners.

Okay, first off, I want the names of these gay friends. What self-respecting gay person would be friends with this guy? And would then ask him a question that would validate every stereotype that he has about gay people? I want names. Then I want their gay citizenship revoked.

Except, I don't think there are really any gay friends. And I really don't think that they asked him why they can't just have sex with multiple people. I think he made it up to sound like he knows what he's talking about. Because if he said, I don't know any gay people, I'm not friends with any gay people, and I know they all want to have multiple partners, well, who would listen?

Well, unfortunately, people who are looking for a scapegoat, for a person or a people to hate, they listen. He compared them to people who take advantage of other's weaknesses. To pedophilia and bestiality. He compared them to predators. And then a lesbian gets raped in San Francisco for being a lesbian. Can't anyone see the connection?? When you say that someone is not as good as the rest of us, you are dehumanizing them. When someone is less than human, they don't deserve the same rights as you. You get to tell them what to do. You get to make sure they always get less than you. And, as history has shown, sometimes you make lampshades out of them.

Because the slippery slope is not gay marriage. It was the taking away of gay marriage. As soon as it was okay to take away one right that people had, it opened the door to make it easier to take away another right. As long as that door stays open, rights will continue to slip away. When will it be considered too many by the people who are on the sidelines, the people not fighting this oppression? You know who you are. You pass me while I am holding up my sign and you say "It passed. Get over it."

It passed. Get over it.

What kills me is that NO one who says that to me sees the absolute irony in that. If we, as Americans, were to just "get over" whatever was handed to us and not fight for what we believed in, there would still be slavery, women would have no rights, the civil rights movement would never have happened, and heck, we'd still be British subjects! There is no "getting over" oppression. You fight it.

So, I want you to do this. When you feel like all the gay marriage brooha is ridiculous and you feel like we should just shut up, I want you to look in the mirror and imagine that you've just been told that one of your rights was taken away. Imagine you are no longer allowed to marry, that you can't adopt a child, that you can't serve in the armed forces, and that you can be fired from your job. Imagine it's because of the color of your eyes. Not because you are a bad person or because you broke the law, but because of the random coming together of DNA nine months before you were born.

Then I want you to come and tell me how over it you are.

I still want those names.